“I place my hand on my heart, and I feel the heat rushing in. I suddenly feel. I feel so much, so much that had been stuck, so much that left me. I was numb, and now I feel. I place my hand on my heart, and my heart opens itself to me.”
Every day my partner came to the ward, and just seeing her there made the room feel a little less heavy, a little more like I could breathe again.
The air of November feels heavier, softer — like the world exhales and remembers what it means to care. There’s a quiet ache beneath the chill, a reminder that strength and tenderness often live side by side. In that same stillness, I find myself thinking about Movember and what it asks of us — to speak honestly about men’s health and the quiet struggles many face.
Every November, I find myself reflecting on what this month really means — not just the mustaches and fundraising, but what it represents: a reminder to speak honestly about men’s health, and especially men’s mental health. I wanted to write this now because Movember isn’t only about awareness; it’s about the stories behind it — the ones that remind us that healing, struggle, and love are all deeply connected.
You have to stay with me here. This is going to be a long one, but it’s from the heart — I hope you’ll listen.
November is a unique month because November is also Movember — something started years ago to highlight men’s health, especially prostate cancer. Over time, it’s grown into a broader conversation about men’s well-being, including mental health. You can find more information and support my Movember fundraising page below.
So I’ve been thinking about that. If you’ve seen any of my recent pictures, you’ll notice a little mustache. I don’t love it. But that’s what you do when you believe in something. And I’d like to tell you what I believe in.
About a year ago, CBC reached out to me around this time. At first, I thought it was a prank — why would CBC Radio want to talk to me? But it was real. I spoke to two brilliant people, a creative artist and a producer at CBC, who were doing a special on people with bipolar disorder who had spent time in psychiatric wards. They’d found me through my blog post for Heads Up Guys. You can find more about both of those below.
It was an incredible experience — walking into the CBC office, sitting down with them for over an hour, sharing what it was like to be in the ward.
So I want to talk to you about that. About three years ago, I was in a very dark place. I had thoughts of hurting myself. Eventually, I went to the hospital and demanded to be admitted to the psychiatric ward because I was afraid of what I might do if I didn’t.
And here’s the thing — the ward turned out to be one of the best experiences of my life. I know that sounds strange. There are so many misconceptions about psychiatric wards. I can’t speak for everyone, but for me, going there voluntarily gave me space to breathe. For the first time in a long time, I was surrounded by people who were like me. I didn’t have to pretend. I could just be.
What made it truly special, though, was love. My partner came to see me every single day. It didn’t matter how busy she was — she always found a way to be there. And that kind of love is rare. I saw others in the ward get visitors maybe once every few days, if at all. But she came every day.
That changed everything. It was like her presence cracked a window in a room that hadn’t felt fresh air in years, letting light and warmth spill in. Suddenly, this hard, painful experience became filled with hope. I couldn’t wait for her visits. I fought hard to get better because of her.
It’s difficult to put into words how much that meant to me. That kind of love — steady, patient, unconditional — gave me something to hold on to when I had nothing else.
Lately, I’ve been thinking about the world and how divided it feels. I see so much hate, so many people blaming others — other religions, other countries, other lives. It breaks my heart. Because after everything I’ve been through, I truly believe the most important thing in life is love.
Without love, what is it to be human? What is it to exist?
I was strong because the love of my life was strong for me. I don’t know where I’d be without her, and honestly, I don’t like to think about it. Her love — and the love of my family and friends — helped me survive, and it continues to shape who I am today.
I’m not perfect. None of us are. Healing is an endless process. But all I ask is this: love as deeply as you can. Tell people you love them. Show them. Give it freely. Because without love, this journey — this life — is impossible.
It pains me to share the relationship didn’t end up working out. Our love felt perfect, but we overlooked some fundamental flaws and in the end they ended up leading to us breaking up. I have no regrets. The love we shared was worth it 1000x times over, and no amount of heart ache will take away from the way her love saved me. Everything I wrote above is true, even if it didn’t lead to us being together forever. I will forever be grateful for our love and all that it did for me in the toughest times in our lives.
So this Movember, I’m keeping the mustache. It’s a small thing, but it means something to me. You have an even bigger task: to love loudly. Especially the men in your life.
So many of us struggle quietly. We’re told we shouldn’t feel, shouldn’t need, shouldn’t love. But that’s a lie. Love is what saves us.
Three years ago, love saved me. Her love made me want to live, to grow, to believe that even in the middle of bipolar disorder, there is still room for love.
And that’s what I want to leave you with: as the air of November stills around us, love is everything.
Special thank you to my parents, my brother, Maggie H., Jason L., Michael S., Shiro N. and Heather B. for their amazing support and inspiration.
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Links and Resources
Movember — Learn more about the movement and support my fundraising efforts here: Sanat Sethi’s Movember Space
CBC Interview: CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) is Canada’s national public broadcaster, known for sharing stories that reflect and connect communities across the country. I shared my story on CBC Radio’s Dreaming of Better series, which explores life with bipolar disorder and the realities of psychiatric care. You can listen here: Dreaming of Better. If you want the transcript, you can find it here.
Heads Up Guys Story — This is the piece that led to my CBC interview, where I first wrote about my time in the psychiatric ward: Your Stories: Psychiatric Ward – Sanat
Chelsea Gray